a letter to those feeling forgettable

Dear reader,

You’re here, in this life, reading this particular blog post on the internet, for a reason. Amidst all the content being produced in every moment, you’ve come here. Does this open letter speak to you? Are you feeling forgettable?

If this is the case, you aren’t alone, regardless of how isolated you may feel. Feeling forgettable is one of the worst feelings imaginable. You internalize a sense of worthlessness, as if you’re just “someone else.” A face in the crowd. A fading outline of a human.

Take this letter to heart. Feeling forgettable is a disease that can eat you alive. Trap you away in a dark abyss. Use this time, reading this post, to step back and consider how feeling forgettable can transition into feeling memorable. Worthy. Loved. Valued.

true story, bro.

Feeling forgettable? I’m with you. I continue to be with you in virtually any social situation. Thanks to social anxiety, I automatically resort to picking out every little detail in every interaction. I’m hypersensitive to the point of overexaggerating my flaws and awkwardness.

For example, being on an island and spending almost a month living with ten other people isn’t easy. Every waking moment, these are the people I’m around. While I feel like I’ve made good connections, there’s many that I feel aren’t necessarily strained, but less than favorable.

Inevitably, we innately form groups amongst ourselves, and I’m just someone who doesn’t really fit into those. I’ve tried, believe me. I’m currently trying. But I cannot help but dwell on every time I make a remark with no reply. Or when I’m not involved in something, and nobody notices I’m not there.

I’d like to think it’s not on purpose, but either way, it makes me feel so…burdensome. Simultaneously taking up space but remaining invisible. The “add-on” trying to mesh into a dynamic I don’t fit in, regardless of how hard I try. If you’re feeling forgettable, you know the struggle is real.

how to proceed.

The predicament of feeling forgettable tends to arise more than once. It’s a familiar load to bear on top of every other stressor you face. So, what can we do to take some of that weight off our shoulders?

First off, acknowledge that social anxiety is a very real and debilitating thing. Feeling forgettable is a symptom of this that leads down a vicious spiral of emotions. Recognize that every detail that permeates your focus is likely blown out of proportion. Chances are, we already know what we’re thinking is irrational…not that it makes it any easier.

Use calming strategies to ground yourself back into the present moment and make sure to analyze everything from an objective perspective. Your feelings are completely valid, but so are everyone else’s. Be open and honest with others, those potentially making you feel forgettable, about what’s bothering you. The best affirmations often come from those we love, not Pinterest quotes.

Also realize that communication is a two-way street. You can try with every ounce of your being to embody your version of an “ideal friend,” but if they aren’t going to reciprocate, you don’t have to keep trying. You don’t have to exert all your energy on people that aren’t meant for you. That’s okay. You aren’t defined by how others see and treat you. Live by terms that make you happy and fulfilled, even if that means going solo.

grateFULL heart and mind.

What helps me the most when I’m feeling forgettable is going back to a trusty ol’ trick that, at this point, probably sounds cliche: gratitude.

Feeling forgettable means you aren’t remembering all the good within and surrounding yourself. All your focus and energy is going toward nightmarish images and people who aren’t thinking about you one bit.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? Mentally hash out entire scenarios and separate lives, longing for things like “picture-perfect” group of friends and being someone others see in a certain way. It’s really draining, and what good is it doing? Diddly squat.

That’s where gratitude steps in. It’s the antithesis of anxiety. Rather than worrying about everything we aren’t and everything we don’t possess, we’re instead considering all the beauty and blessings already within grasp.

Think of the good qualities you have. The things you enjoy. All the people who think you’re the bomb diggity. Those little random tidbits that make you smile. Turns out, there’s a ton more that’s filling your cup than anxiety wants you to realize.

Do I think practicing gratitude and having a more grateful attitude is a cure for social anxiety? Of course not. If that were the case, nobody would feel forgettable. But it can be a nice way to alleviate extra stress and tension you’re likely holding in. You’re taking some brain power away from what’s tearing you down so you can build yourself back up again.

don’t forget…

Need some more reminders? Whenever you’re feeling forgettable, pull these up. They’re all completely true.

You aren’t going to matter to everyone you meet, but you do matter a whole lot.

Because you matter, taking care of yourself especially matters. It’s your life, your time, and your well-being. Others don’t deserve the right to take any of that away from you.

You’re not conceited for obsessing over if and how people think about you. That’s just social anxiety. Let it pass. Find your happy place. Breathe it out. You’ve survived every other time up until now, and you can keep that streak going.

What you’re feeling isn’t new. For as alone and isolated as you feel, there are multitudes of others going through the same thing, right this moment.

The immense value you represent never wanes. You are valuable. Priceless. Worth more than all of life’s riches and luxuries combined.

Your presence is making a positive impact on the world. Keep on keeping on.

There are countless people who care about you and love you beyond compare. Most are just a phone call or message away. Don’t feel weak or shameful admitting you’re struggling and need to reach out for help.

Just don’t give up. Keep trying and doing your best. Someone will notice, but ultimately, the most important person to notice the effort is yourself. Make YOU proud.

Most importantly, you are not forgettable.

If you have any words of wisdom for those feeling forgettable, do share in the comments below. I challenge you to send a quick memo to your own loved ones with these reminders. You never know what they might be feeling at that moment. Remember them. Hold them close.

Take care, and keep the faith. -Allie

Author: Allie

A flower child passionate about faith, social justice, and love.

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